October: A Time for Awareness, Action, and Healing

Each October, the United States marks Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM)—a dedicated time to shine a light on the pervasive issue of domestic violence, remember survivors, support those still suffering, and work toward prevention. The month calls for communities to unite, break the silence, and acknowledge that violence in intimate relationships isn’t just a personal issue—it’s a public health and human rights concern (Office for Victims of Crime, n.d.).

A Personal Story: Finding Strength After Darkness

Emma (name has been changed for anonymity) was in what looked, from the outside, like a healthy relationship for the first year: dinners, vacations, shared friends, laughter. But gradually, the small things began: he would joke about how she dressed, or how she spent time with others. Then the controlling behaviors crept in: limiting her choices, monitoring her phone, criticizing her friends. The first time he pushed her, she froze—he apologized, said he was sorry, promised it would never happen again. It did.
Over the next several months, Emma tried to leave. Each time she planned, packed a bag, timed her exit—and each time something happened: a tearful apology, his promise to change, her fear of what would happen if she actually left. “The hardest part,” she says, “was that I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I carried shame, I carried fear. I thought maybe it was just how relationships were.”

Eventually, with help from a nearby shelter and a few trusted friends, Emma slipped away one morning, taking just the bare minimum—important documents, one suitcase, and a phone number for support. The freedom brought relief. The guilt remained. Over time, with counseling and a support group, she began to heal. Today she speaks publicly—quietly, but firmly—to remind others: you are not alone, and you deserve better.

Emma’s story reflects many of the realities survivors face: the secrecy, the shame, the repeated attempts to leave, the fear of escalating violence. It echoes broader data that show leaving is often the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.).

The Scope of the Issue

It’s easy to feel that domestic violence “happens elsewhere,” but the data tells another story. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, more than 1 in 3 women (35.6%) and about 1 in 4 men (28.5%) in the U.S. have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.). Domestic violence is happening all around us.

Who Is Most Affected?

While intimate partner violence can affect anyone, certain groups face elevated risk. Women ages 18‑34 generally experience the highest rates of abuse (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.). Racial, ethnic, and intersectional dynamics matter too. For example, one analysis found that Black individuals experienced higher rates of domestic violence compared to White individuals (Wisniewska, 2024). In LGBTQ+ communities, the statistics are also sobering—transgender and nonbinary individuals report significant rates of partner violence that often intersect with other forms of marginalization (https://www.stonybrook.edu/commcms/studentaffairs/cpo/awareness-months/dvam.php?utm).

The Many Faces of Domestic Violence

When most people hear “domestic violence,” they often think of physical violence—but the reality is much broader. Domestic violence can include:

• physical violence
• sexual violence or coercion
• psychological or emotional abuse
• financial abuse
• digital abuse

Understanding these varied forms helps us recognize warning signs and support survivors more effectively (Office for Victims of Crime, n.d.).

The Impact Beyond the Individual

Violence in the home does not stay in the home. It ripples outward—to children, workplaces, communities, and the economy. One estimate shows that 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year; many of those children witness the abuse themselves (Stony Brook University, n.d.). Additionally, the societal cost is staggering: health care, legal responses, lost productivity, shelter services—all contribute to the enormous burden. The emotional cost—fear, shame, broken trust—is immeasurable.

Why Awareness Matters

Awareness isn’t just about putting up a ribbon or wearing purple—it’s about shifting culture, reducing stigma, increasing recognition, and mobilizing support. During DVAM, organizations and communities highlight that survivors do not bear the shame—but their abusers do. Leaving is hard, scary—and often dangerous—and they deserve help (Office for Victims of Crime, n.d.).

What You Can Do — Action Steps for Individuals and Communities

1. Educate yourself: Learn what healthy relationships look like; learn the warning signs of abuse (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.).
2. Talk about it: Having an open conversation normalizes the idea that domestic violence isn’t a secret to hide.
3. Be an engaged bystander: If you see someone controlling their partner’s phone, isolating them, or you hear jokes about threats—don’t ignore it.
4. Support survivors: Believing someone, helping them find resources, being non‑judgmental—it matters.
5. Advocate for resources: Shelters, counseling, legal support—all require funding and community investment.
6. Promote prevention: Teach young people about respectful relationships, communication, and boundaries (Stony Brook University, n.d.).

Supporting Survivors — What Works

Support for someone escaping or healing from abuse must be trauma‑informed, survivor‑centered, and culturally responsive. Programs provide crisis hotlines, emergency shelters, legal advocacy, counseling, and children’s services (Office for Victims of Crime, n.d.). It’s also important to remember that leaving is one of the most dangerous times for a survivor (National Domestic Violence Hotline, n.d.). Therefore, long‑term support—including help rebuilding finances, housing, and emotional healing—is essential. Saying “you’re safe now” isn’t good enough until safety is real and stable.

Reflecting on Progress and the Work Ahead

Over recent decades, there has been important progress: more legal protections, more awareness, more resources—but still so much work remains. During DVAM, we reflect not just on suffering—but on hope, resilience, and what needs to change: better funding, stronger community networks, less stigma, and more inclusive approaches (recognizing LGBTQ+ survivors, men, people of color, immigrants).

Closing Thoughts

Every story like Emma’s is a call to action. Domestic violence is never just a “private matter”—it’s a community issue. Each one of us has a role: as supporter, listener, advocate, doer. This month, and throughout the year, let’s commit to being someone who sees, listens, believes, and acts.
If you or someone you know is impacted by domestic violence, help is available. You are not alone—and you deserve peace, safety, freedom, and respect. Contact LeAnna Fowlds, LCSW at 573-469-2433 or visit our website at www.gracebhs.com if you are needing someone to talk with about your own experiences.

References

National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Domestic Violence Support. https://www.thehotline.org/
Wisniewska, M. J. (2024, October 7). Domestic Violence Statistics 2024. BreakTheCycle.org. https://www.breakthecycle.org/domestic-violence-statistics/
Office for Victims of Crime. (n.d.). Help for Victims Overview. U.S. Department of Justice. https://ovc.ojp.gov/help-for-victims/overview
Stony Brook University. (n.d.). Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM). https://www.stonybrook.edu/commcms/studentaffairs/cpo/awareness-months/dvam.php